Well now, Horsey has instructed me, his humble scribe, to wish you all a very good day. He then wonders, for the more newbie computer users, whether you have ever used the inbuilt Windows utility called "Defragmentation" or "Disk Defragmenter"? It can be found simply:
"Start->My Computer->[right click on...]Hard Drive Of Your Choice (usually monikered "Local Disk (C:)")->Properties->Tools."
If the answer is a resounding "NO!", or even a more puzzled "nooooo...?", and you have owned your computer for over a year, then your hard drive is at risk of failure. This is bad.
To remedy this, simply use the disk defragmenter to "Analyze" the hard drive. If it then instructs you to defragment the drive, do so by clicking the appropriate button of joy. Depending on the size, utilised space, and speed of your drive, this usually takes several hours.
p.s. If you haven't done your weekly virus scan before doing this, Horsey recommends enjoying that task first, otherwise you risk moving any viruses around to still yet more fertile grounds.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Scared of Spiders/or: How to Stop the Internet Ruining your Computer
Wilkommen! For my inaugural entry here, and in the service of making all our lives better through an internet less dominated by spam spam spam sausage and spam, here is my quick primer for making your internet experience more pleasant. Enjoy, and propagate!
Unless you're as much of a geek as horsey, your computer is probably not as secure as you hope. I now present a checklist of what you need at minimum, all points on which you must be able to tick off. Links to all relevant software presented later...
1) A good firewall. Windows firewall (under XP or Vista) is not sufficient (never fear, madam/sir, I'm getting to which ones you might want).
2) Good antivirus software, a full scan of which should be run once a week (assuming regular internet usage).
3) An up-to-date browser. All of the big three (Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox, and Opera) are updated regularly in order to plug security holes exposed by those dastardly, dastardly hackers.
4) At least two (yes, two!!) anti-spyware tools, scans using which should be run at least once a week. The Microsoft anti-spyware software, under XP or Vista, is not much use, so get rid of them... unless that is you enjoy Microsoft garnering yet more information about your computer and your use of it.
5) If you're using a Microsoft operating system (most likely XP or Vista), make sure it is as up to date as possible (with the caveat that the program with which to do this, Windows Update ["Start"-"Control Panel"-"Automatic Updates"], can sometimes be used for fairly nefarious purposes by Microsoft. More on this another time). Most crucial, if you are using XP, is that you have something called Service Pack 2 installed. You can check this by right clicking on "My Computer" (either in the "Start" menu or on the desktop) and clicking "Properties". Under "System", you should see "Service Pack 2" below whatever version of XP you have.
Phew, that was probably as boring to read as it was to write. How do you accomplish all of this without brain death? Well let horsey, through the medium of my unworthy fingers, guide you.
The Easy Way
The easiest way to secure your computer is to use an all in one solution like Norton Internet Security (that was a hyperlink to their site, for my more literary friends). For those of you with better things to do than spending the rest of time configuring a high-end firewall, this is probably the best solution. Norton has an effective firewall and competitive anti-virus capability, and will configure and update itself automatically. All you need to do is schedule when you want it to scan your computer, and you can get on with your life in the nightmarish corporate system. This doesn't get you out of using your two antispyware programs or keeping your browser/windows up to date, but it takes care of the hard stuff.
Unless you're as much of a geek as horsey, your computer is probably not as secure as you hope. I now present a checklist of what you need at minimum, all points on which you must be able to tick off. Links to all relevant software presented later...
1) A good firewall. Windows firewall (under XP or Vista) is not sufficient (never fear, madam/sir, I'm getting to which ones you might want).
2) Good antivirus software, a full scan of which should be run once a week (assuming regular internet usage).
3) An up-to-date browser. All of the big three (Internet Explorer, Mozilla Firefox, and Opera) are updated regularly in order to plug security holes exposed by those dastardly, dastardly hackers.
4) At least two (yes, two!!) anti-spyware tools, scans using which should be run at least once a week. The Microsoft anti-spyware software, under XP or Vista, is not much use, so get rid of them... unless that is you enjoy Microsoft garnering yet more information about your computer and your use of it.
5) If you're using a Microsoft operating system (most likely XP or Vista), make sure it is as up to date as possible (with the caveat that the program with which to do this, Windows Update ["Start"-"Control Panel"-"Automatic Updates"], can sometimes be used for fairly nefarious purposes by Microsoft. More on this another time). Most crucial, if you are using XP, is that you have something called Service Pack 2 installed. You can check this by right clicking on "My Computer" (either in the "Start" menu or on the desktop) and clicking "Properties". Under "System", you should see "Service Pack 2" below whatever version of XP you have.
Phew, that was probably as boring to read as it was to write. How do you accomplish all of this without brain death? Well let horsey, through the medium of my unworthy fingers, guide you.
The Easy Way
The easiest way to secure your computer is to use an all in one solution like Norton Internet Security (that was a hyperlink to their site, for my more literary friends). For those of you with better things to do than spending the rest of time configuring a high-end firewall, this is probably the best solution. Norton has an effective firewall and competitive anti-virus capability, and will configure and update itself automatically. All you need to do is schedule when you want it to scan your computer, and you can get on with your life in the nightmarish corporate system. This doesn't get you out of using your two antispyware programs or keeping your browser/windows up to date, but it takes care of the hard stuff.
"But horsey, why doesn't everyone take 'The Easy Way'?"
An excellent question, grasshopper. Here are the reasons:
1) Norton is freaking expensive. The full version (not 360, but you don't want that) is 70-odd dollars, and you only get one year's subscription to their antivirus updates (which you do, do, do need). After that it's about 20 dollars a year. This isn't necessarily a deal-breaker, however. They're not pissing your money away: they have clever people constantly breaking down new viruses and writing code so that your computer can remove them. Doing this quickly and thoroughly is not cheap. If you still baulk at the price, however, and you live near me, then you can just use my "Corporate Account", for the price of a drink. A Mojito, preferably.
2) Norton, and its all-in-one brethren, may be fairly idiot proof, but they accomplish this by burrowing so far into your system that they slow it down a lot. Par example, horsey's computer takes about 20 seconds from seeing that "Windows XP" boot screen to being fully loaded and ready to waste time on news sites (horsey likes The Guardian). However, for most people I know it probably takes over a minute. This is because there's so much crap on their system that's set to load immediately windows boots. This is made a hell of a lot worse when Norton is installed. Basically, the more programs running at the same time on your system, the less memory and processor time the computer has available in order to jump to attention when you shout at it. Having a separate firewall and antivirus allows you to pick more streamlined programs.
3) The big one. Norton is fucking annoying. I used the 2005 version for a while, and, unbelievably, they seem to have made it even worse for the 2007 edition. Every time it detects what it calls a "hacking attempt" it gives you a little pop-up window, like an MSN notification, to let you know how clever it is: the self-satisfied little shit. Same with updates, same with scans, same with email checks. After a while using your computer seems to consist of nothing more than one of those rubbish shooting galleries you used to play at the fair when you were five. The window pops up and you race to see how quickly you can click on it/shoot it to make it fuck off and let you go back to searching for pictures of Knut the polar bear. This becomes tiresome after a while, because Norton is too paranoid and has less than perfect learning software: it assumes you're an idiot and therefore asks for your confirmation on every single update of another program on your system and most outgoing or incoming connections, presumably to try to reduce the odds of your missing the signs of a program misbehaving. Viruses change files on legitimate programs so that they can operate out of them with a convincing cover, but most programs on your computer change themselves anyway every time they update themselves. The irony is that, if you are a computer noob, you won't know what most of the programs being red flagged are anyway, so unless you "deny" everything when asked (not recommended unless you're tired of using the internet entirely), it's possible you might permit a virus or worm to operate freely on your computer. Less intrusive antivirus and firewalls, with advanced learning software, operate almost entirely in the background, and in my opinion are a better option than Norton and its equivalents. You just have to perform a little bit more of initial downloading.
The Harder but Better Way
1) Norton is freaking expensive. The full version (not 360, but you don't want that) is 70-odd dollars, and you only get one year's subscription to their antivirus updates (which you do, do, do need). After that it's about 20 dollars a year. This isn't necessarily a deal-breaker, however. They're not pissing your money away: they have clever people constantly breaking down new viruses and writing code so that your computer can remove them. Doing this quickly and thoroughly is not cheap. If you still baulk at the price, however, and you live near me, then you can just use my "Corporate Account", for the price of a drink. A Mojito, preferably.
2) Norton, and its all-in-one brethren, may be fairly idiot proof, but they accomplish this by burrowing so far into your system that they slow it down a lot. Par example, horsey's computer takes about 20 seconds from seeing that "Windows XP" boot screen to being fully loaded and ready to waste time on news sites (horsey likes The Guardian). However, for most people I know it probably takes over a minute. This is because there's so much crap on their system that's set to load immediately windows boots. This is made a hell of a lot worse when Norton is installed. Basically, the more programs running at the same time on your system, the less memory and processor time the computer has available in order to jump to attention when you shout at it. Having a separate firewall and antivirus allows you to pick more streamlined programs.
3) The big one. Norton is fucking annoying. I used the 2005 version for a while, and, unbelievably, they seem to have made it even worse for the 2007 edition. Every time it detects what it calls a "hacking attempt" it gives you a little pop-up window, like an MSN notification, to let you know how clever it is: the self-satisfied little shit. Same with updates, same with scans, same with email checks. After a while using your computer seems to consist of nothing more than one of those rubbish shooting galleries you used to play at the fair when you were five. The window pops up and you race to see how quickly you can click on it/shoot it to make it fuck off and let you go back to searching for pictures of Knut the polar bear. This becomes tiresome after a while, because Norton is too paranoid and has less than perfect learning software: it assumes you're an idiot and therefore asks for your confirmation on every single update of another program on your system and most outgoing or incoming connections, presumably to try to reduce the odds of your missing the signs of a program misbehaving. Viruses change files on legitimate programs so that they can operate out of them with a convincing cover, but most programs on your computer change themselves anyway every time they update themselves. The irony is that, if you are a computer noob, you won't know what most of the programs being red flagged are anyway, so unless you "deny" everything when asked (not recommended unless you're tired of using the internet entirely), it's possible you might permit a virus or worm to operate freely on your computer. Less intrusive antivirus and firewalls, with advanced learning software, operate almost entirely in the background, and in my opinion are a better option than Norton and its equivalents. You just have to perform a little bit more of initial downloading.
The Harder but Better Way
1) Download Sunbelt Kerio Personal Firewall, and install it specifying the easy/automatic options when prompted. This is the firewall I use. Pay for the extra functionality if you wish, but I use the free version.
-aside: If you're more at home with computers, SPF has lots of uber-funky capabilities. The most useful of these is the cookie filtering. Most browsers have two options: cookies on, or cookies off with exceptions you have to set up manually (aka annoying). Set SPF to "filter persistent cookies", however, and you kill almost all spy and adware that tries to install itself on your computer, because these little bastards use the cookie system but stay there after you finish your session: no legitimate cookie needs to do this, so getting SPF to filter them doesn't impact your internet experience in any way except for making it a lot more secure. The only thing it affects is saving search engine preferences, but, unless you're looking for porn (apparently), you don't need those. Enabling this option reduced my per-week spyware count from 20-odd to close to zero. Horsey recommends this.-
2) Download and install one of the top two antivirus utilities from PC World's antivirus review roundup. I use Bitdefender because it's cheaper (yes I did pay for it: I was sufficiently impressed by the trial version): just remember not to use the real time protection option, unless you particularly enjoy your computer handling like a walrus in treacle. Just scan your computer once a week; if you have SPF installed this is more than sufficient.
-key point: I implore you not to use AVG free edition. I switched from AVG to Norton once, a few years back, and found seven critical viruses on my primary drive. I know it's free, but briefly think how much you paid for your computer. I'm guessing around a thousand dollars, if you're very frugal. Then think when the last time was that you backed up your hard drive, or even your important documents. I'm guessing "never" for the first and "too long ago" for the second (do the latter now. The good lord probably gave you a cd/dvd burner with your $1000 dream machine). Now add all that money and time together, and tell me you can't afford 40 bucks for something as essential as antivirus. Okay lecture over! Sorry about that. Horsey goes off on one sometimes. Lacuna Coil is on now, he is calm once more.-
3) The browser. All of the big three (Internet Explorer 7, or IE; Mozilla Firefox; and Opera) are pretty secure now, and all have their adherents. In some ways which browser you use is a personal thing. However, I use Firefox most of the time (if a page doesn't work on it, which happens one in fifty sites, I use one of the others: if you try to get to a site and can't, such a simple compatibility issue is often the problem) because it has a couple of superb plug-ins which it gives you the option to install after you load it for the first time.
The first, and recommended for all users, is "ABP" or Ad-Blocker Plus. This has transformed my internet experience. What's unique about it is twofold. Primarily, it doesn't use heuristics (frequently imperfect computer-learning algorithms) in order to identify what it thinks are adverts on web pages... what it actually does is get you to subscribe to one of several core users (a real human!) who spends all his time identifying ads on websites and marking them for ABP: this means that no matter what cunning shenanigans marketing scumbags use in order to make sure their ads get past your pop-up blockers and heuristic blockers, ABP still gets them. I have barely seen an advert in a year of using this software, and I take my hat off to the people donating a lot of their time so that we can all have a more pleasant and secure internet experience. This brings me on to the secondary benefit of ABP, which is that it rearranges the webpages as if the ad had never been there: this is excellent, as it makes more efficient use of the space and makes it much more book-like and easy on the eye.
The second plug-in that's great for Firefox, recommended for slightly more advanced users, is Noscript, which blocks all Javascript unless you specifically allow some or all of it on a particular page. Most spyware and a lot of viruses get onto your computer through Javascript operated by a completely separate site that you had no intention of visiting: all those hit-counters, for example, telling you how many people have visited the site, interact with your Browser using Javascript, and are frequently operated by a third-party site, often installing tracking cookies and other nasties on your computer without you being any the wiser. Give it a go, it's very easy to operate, but requires a little more input into your browsing experience.
4) I'll save you time on the antispyware software, by recommending what I use: Ad-aware and Spybot: Search and Destroy. Download and install, update them regularly, and scan with each once a week. Feel free to use other programs, but remember that the Microsoft ones really don't seem to work too well and, worse, a lot of other spyware and such on the internet gets you to install it by promising a "free scan for spyware"! Just check the names of all the spyware Spybot searches for and you'll see what I mean.
5) I already covered how to keep Windows up to date (if you're using Linux your Operating System is naturally pretty secure already!), just enable automatic updates (Start-Control Panel-Automatic Updates, in XP... "Search" for it in Vista) and install when prompted.
Aaaaand that's it for horsey this time around, as I think he wants his feedbag and is fed up of dictating information to unfeeling humans. He does, however, hope that some of this may be useful somehow, someday. A toute a l'heure!
-aside: If you're more at home with computers, SPF has lots of uber-funky capabilities. The most useful of these is the cookie filtering. Most browsers have two options: cookies on, or cookies off with exceptions you have to set up manually (aka annoying). Set SPF to "filter persistent cookies", however, and you kill almost all spy and adware that tries to install itself on your computer, because these little bastards use the cookie system but stay there after you finish your session: no legitimate cookie needs to do this, so getting SPF to filter them doesn't impact your internet experience in any way except for making it a lot more secure. The only thing it affects is saving search engine preferences, but, unless you're looking for porn (apparently), you don't need those. Enabling this option reduced my per-week spyware count from 20-odd to close to zero. Horsey recommends this.-
2) Download and install one of the top two antivirus utilities from PC World's antivirus review roundup. I use Bitdefender because it's cheaper (yes I did pay for it: I was sufficiently impressed by the trial version): just remember not to use the real time protection option, unless you particularly enjoy your computer handling like a walrus in treacle. Just scan your computer once a week; if you have SPF installed this is more than sufficient.
-key point: I implore you not to use AVG free edition. I switched from AVG to Norton once, a few years back, and found seven critical viruses on my primary drive. I know it's free, but briefly think how much you paid for your computer. I'm guessing around a thousand dollars, if you're very frugal. Then think when the last time was that you backed up your hard drive, or even your important documents. I'm guessing "never" for the first and "too long ago" for the second (do the latter now. The good lord probably gave you a cd/dvd burner with your $1000 dream machine). Now add all that money and time together, and tell me you can't afford 40 bucks for something as essential as antivirus. Okay lecture over! Sorry about that. Horsey goes off on one sometimes. Lacuna Coil is on now, he is calm once more.-
3) The browser. All of the big three (Internet Explorer 7, or IE; Mozilla Firefox; and Opera) are pretty secure now, and all have their adherents. In some ways which browser you use is a personal thing. However, I use Firefox most of the time (if a page doesn't work on it, which happens one in fifty sites, I use one of the others: if you try to get to a site and can't, such a simple compatibility issue is often the problem) because it has a couple of superb plug-ins which it gives you the option to install after you load it for the first time.
The first, and recommended for all users, is "ABP" or Ad-Blocker Plus. This has transformed my internet experience. What's unique about it is twofold. Primarily, it doesn't use heuristics (frequently imperfect computer-learning algorithms) in order to identify what it thinks are adverts on web pages... what it actually does is get you to subscribe to one of several core users (a real human!) who spends all his time identifying ads on websites and marking them for ABP: this means that no matter what cunning shenanigans marketing scumbags use in order to make sure their ads get past your pop-up blockers and heuristic blockers, ABP still gets them. I have barely seen an advert in a year of using this software, and I take my hat off to the people donating a lot of their time so that we can all have a more pleasant and secure internet experience. This brings me on to the secondary benefit of ABP, which is that it rearranges the webpages as if the ad had never been there: this is excellent, as it makes more efficient use of the space and makes it much more book-like and easy on the eye.
The second plug-in that's great for Firefox, recommended for slightly more advanced users, is Noscript, which blocks all Javascript unless you specifically allow some or all of it on a particular page. Most spyware and a lot of viruses get onto your computer through Javascript operated by a completely separate site that you had no intention of visiting: all those hit-counters, for example, telling you how many people have visited the site, interact with your Browser using Javascript, and are frequently operated by a third-party site, often installing tracking cookies and other nasties on your computer without you being any the wiser. Give it a go, it's very easy to operate, but requires a little more input into your browsing experience.
4) I'll save you time on the antispyware software, by recommending what I use: Ad-aware and Spybot: Search and Destroy. Download and install, update them regularly, and scan with each once a week. Feel free to use other programs, but remember that the Microsoft ones really don't seem to work too well and, worse, a lot of other spyware and such on the internet gets you to install it by promising a "free scan for spyware"! Just check the names of all the spyware Spybot searches for and you'll see what I mean.
5) I already covered how to keep Windows up to date (if you're using Linux your Operating System is naturally pretty secure already!), just enable automatic updates (Start-Control Panel-Automatic Updates, in XP... "Search" for it in Vista) and install when prompted.
Aaaaand that's it for horsey this time around, as I think he wants his feedbag and is fed up of dictating information to unfeeling humans. He does, however, hope that some of this may be useful somehow, someday. A toute a l'heure!
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